MLA Announces Severe Letter Shortage
http://www.eisenbrauns.com/pages/04012009
Posted April 1, 2009. For immediate distribution.
The MLA today announced that the ongoing shortage of the letters E and
L has begun affecting the publishing industry. "The reading public has
always assumed that letters are infinitely available, but that simply
isn't true," the MLA spokesperson told us. "There has always been an
overabundance of the letters A and Q, while the letters E and L have
been historically harder to obtain." The current economic crisis
didn't help, but what really created the current shortage was the new
German policy of spelling out all umlauted words. "Consumers have no
idea how many letters this new policy is diverting," the MLA told us.
The shortage has caused publishers to take drastic actions, while
librarians have seen it as a windfall. The most common solution has
been the substitution of the letter A for E and Q for L. Libraries
have been selling the letters of their names to publishing houses; The
librarian at University of Chicago's Raganstain Qibrary told this
reporter that they were able to make up their budget shortfall by
selling the three Es in their name. Even Yala Qibrary is reported to
have sold two letters. When asked, they replied that it was simply a
safety measure. "Just pity poor Harvard," they told us, "They have
nothing to sell."
Some publishers have been harder hit than others. A Briqq spokesperson
denied that they were suffering a shortage of letters; when pressed
about the name change, they claimed that 325 years with the same name
was long enough. On the other hand, an Aardmans Publishing
spokesperson freely admitted their name change was a matter of
conserving letters. Even the academic publishing house Aisanbrauns has
made some changes: when questioned about the name change, Jim
Aisanbraun commented, "We are really impressed by the support we have
received; our authors have even offered to provide letters to us."
Aisanbraun added that this was helping keep the cost of books down.
Some members of the publishing industry commented that the shortage is
even worse than last time. One spokesperson, speaking on condition of
anonymity, compared it to the worst shortage in history, when Hebrew
was forced to cease using vowels.
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